"In the wonder of Schizophreniscope, the new Split Screen."


Our view is completely obliterated by a pea-soup fog. We hear coughing...

NARRATOR (American)(OOV)

London. Yes, London. Who can fail to recognize the city's great landmarks? Here, in Trafalgar Square, for instance, there is Nelson's Column. And even in the worst fog, you cannot miss Nelson's Column.

SOUND EFFECT: Car skids and Crashes

NARRATOR

You see? There's someone not missing it now! But there is one famous London landmark that anyone could miss, tucked away in a little side turning.

The fog clears and we see the classic stock shot of the entry to the (old) New Scotland Yard building

NARRATOR

Recognize it? Scotland Yard. Scotland Yard is the headquarters of the CID - the Criminal Investigation Department of the London Police. Let us take a look at the world-famous CID at work through the medium of a true real-life case; a factual documentary record straight from the files of Scotland Yard.

A file labeled "The Case of the Mukkinese Battle-Horn" is removed from a filing cabinet. Cross-fade to a museum case labeled "Mukkinese Battle-Horn".

NARRATOR

Yes, the Mukkinese Battle-Horn.

A brick shatters the glass case in which the Horn is contained. Hand comes into the frame, removes the brick, and we hear hurried footsteps running away. Then we hear them coming back. Someone's hand replaces the brick and very noisily removes the Mukkinese Battle-Horn.

NARRATOR

The fact was not discovered until the following morning.

MUSIC: "Hurry-up" cue

MUSEUM GUARD (old)

Get... me... Scotland... Yard.

NARRATOR

Within minutes of the report of the burglary, Scotland Yard was on the scene in the person of the Yard's Ace Detective, Superintendent Quilt.

Car pulls up and out of frame, backs up into frame and stops in front of museum. Quilt (Sellers) gets out, all the time scolding driver. Quilt opens trunk, to let out Detective BROWN (Milligan).

INTERIOR MUSEUM: DAY

WOMAN POLICE CONSTABLE

Good morning, sir.

QUILT

Good morning, Constable. Where's the body?

WOMAN POLICE CONSTABLE

Body, sir? Oh, there's no body here.

QUILT

You mean...we're alone?

MUSIC: Romantic theme plays, and fades

NARRATOR

Wasting no time, Superintendent Quilt and Sergeant Brown began a thorough search for clues.

BROWN

Look, sir! (points down) An impression of a heel!

QUILT

Very clever, Brown. We haven't time for your impressions now.

BROWN

Thank you, sir.

We follow as Quilt walks to another room. He addresses NODDULE (Dick Emery)

QUILT

I say, you there, are you the body?

NODDULE

No, Are you?

QUILT

Oh, no. I'm Superintendent Quilt of Scotland Yard.

NODDULE

Delighted to meet you. My name's Noddule, I'm a curator here.

QUILT

How do you do?

NODDULE

Ha, ha, how do you do?

They shake hands

QUILT

Give me my glove, will you?

NODDULE

Yes, of course.

QUILT

(Looking past Noddule) Hello?

NODDULE

Hello? I thought we just met.

QUILT

What have we got over here?

He walks over to the smashed display-case.

QUILT

What's all this about, eh?

NODDULE

That? Oh, we had a robbery last night.

QUILT

A robbery... Anything stolen? (picks up card and recites) "Metropolitan Museum, Mukkinese Battle-Horn, 9th-century copper inlaid with ruby enamel". (picks up the brick) You've been swindled, old man.

NODDULE

What?

QUILT

This is an ordinary house brick.

NODDULE

I know. The Mukkinese Battle-Horn has been stolen.

QUILT

What?

Drops brick on Noddule's foot.

NODDULE

Aaaaah!

QUILT

I must warn you that anything that you say can and will be taken down and used in evidence against you. Sgt. Brown?

BROWN

Yes, sir?

QUILT

Make a note of that.

BROWN

Right, sir.

They both gabble rapid-fire, simultaneous police-type jargon.

QUILT

Have you got all that?

BROWN

No, sir!

QUILT

Good! You know, Noddule, it strikes me as very, very fishy why the thief chose this Mukkinese Battle-Horn thing when there were all these other rare and valuable items lying around.

NODDULE

Really?

QUILT

Mm-hmm. Such as those golden slave bangles

NODDULE

By Jove, you're right!

QUILT

Yes...

NODDULE

He could have easily whipped one of those Chinese jade ornaments.

QUILT

Mmm.

NODDULE

Or even this (pointing and walking towards vase). This Priceless Grecian vase...

He knocks the vase over - it smashes.

...Botheration! Cleggett! Nip round to Woolworth's and get me one of those Priceless Grecian vases, will you?

Cleggett exits

QUILT

Mr. Noddule, can you give me a full description of the Mukkinese Battle-Horn?

NODDULE

Description? I can do better than that. (yells off) Cleggett!

CLEGGETT

Yes?

NODDULE

Bring in the other Mukkinese Battle-Horn.

QUILT

Other?

NODDULE

This one was one of a pair. Supposed to be the only identical pair in existence.

QUILT

Come now then, Noddule! Do you take me for a raving idiot?

Cleggett wheels in the other horn

QUILT

I'm an officer of the Police Force and I...

Noddule, Brown and Quilt turn to see the horn

QUILT, NODDULE & BROWN

AAGH!

QUILT

So, um...this is it?

NODDULE

Yes. This is it.

BROWN

It sort of looks like a trumpet, sir.

NODDULE

With a little more plumbing, of course.

QUILT

Look, um, tell me one thing.

NODDULE

Yes?

QUILT

What are these holes?

NODDULE

I'm glad you mentioned those. They help to change the pitch of the note.

QUILT

I see.

NODDULE

Now this one here, this one here is for D-Sharp...

QUILT

That's rather ingenious.

NODDULE

Yes, yes, yes. And that one there is for A-Flat.

BROWN

Terribly stunning. (pointing to another spot on the horn) What's this hole here for!?

NODDULE

Used razor blades.

BROWN

Mr. Noddule, you're trying to be funny, sir.

NODDULE

(to camera) Aren't we all?

Car drives up

NARRATOR

Soon the various experts from the CID began appearing on the scene. At 11:10, the police photographers arrived ...

Police are seen posing for a family portrait-type shot

NARRATOR

... photographed the police, and hurried away again. At 11:30, QUILT began his interrogation of witnesses and possible suspects.

INTERIOR QUILT'S OFFICE: DAY

QUILT

Send in the night watchman, J. Smith.

FIRST CONSTABLE

Call J. Smith!

SMITH (Spike Milligan) emerges from a sarcophagus. Smith is to all intents and purposes, Eccles.

SMITH

Hellooo! Ooooh. Fine, fine, fine. (Sings) "Everything's going to be fine..." (he is manhandled by a constable). Oh, here, what're you doing? Lemme go! Lemme go, now! Take your feet off me! (Looks around)

QUILT

Are you J. Smith?

SMITH

(nodding) Nope, nope.

QUILT

He's not J. Smith, Brown!

SMITH

(to constable) He's not J. Smith-Brown.

QUILT

That's not Brown!

SMITH

That's not Brown.

QUILT

Where were you on the night of the throventeenth?

SMITH

(to Quilt)I was at the pictures. (to Constable), I WAS AT THE PICTURES! (to Quilt) BANG! A car went bang, bang, bang, wit-tidda-dum, dayday, fine.

QUILT

What about the Mukkinese Battle-Horn?

SMITH

What about the Mukkinese Battle-Horn?

QUILT

It's been stolen!

SMITH

Oooh. (to Constable) It's been stolen.

QUILT

Constable, get this idiot out of here!

SMITH

Get this idiot out of here!

Constable removes Smith, while Smith protests.

QUILT

Next witness! I won't stand for it! I'll show you! Next witness, Constable.

FIRST CONSTABLE

Right, sir. Next witness!

BROWN

This is the janitor, sir.

QUILT

Mr. Crimpe, would you like to tell us your story?

CRIMPE

(Sounding much like Willium "Mate" Cobblers, but played by Emery) Yes, sir. Well, I was proceeding in an orderly manner towards the main gate in order to lock up...

QUILT

Mm-hmm...

CRIMPE

When suddenly, someone jumps out and wallops me on me 'ead. Wallop, wallop, wallop, on me 'ead. I turns 'round and wallop, wallop, wallop again!

QUILT

Incredible.

CRIMPE

Down I goes I goes and wallop, wallop, wallop on me 'ead again! Then, just as I start to get up, wallop, wallop, wallop...!

QUILT

On your head?

CRIMPE

Yes sir. Wallop...

QUILT

Wallop...

CRIMPE

Wallop...

QUILT

Hmm...Wallop. Tell me, Mr. Crimpe, did you notice anything peculiar about these men?

CRIMPE

Yes, sir.

QUILT

What?

CRIMPE

They kept on wallopin' me on me 'ead.

QUILT

I see. Is there anything else?

Crimpe removes his cap to reveal a large bandage.

CRIMPE

Yes, sir. Could I have an aspirin?

QUILT

Constable, look after Mr. Crimpe, would you?

CRIMPE

Thank you very much, sir. (leaves with 2nd Constable)

FIRST CONSTABLE

The next witness!

An attractive, slinky blonde, with a 'Veronica Lake' hairstyle approaches the desk

BROWN

(smitten) The next witness is waiting, sir.

QUILT

(looking down at the desk) Fine, Brown. Now then, sir...

Camera, mimicking Quilt's eyes, examines the woman's figure, after which Quilt is equally smitten

QUILT

... where were you on the night of the throventeenth?

BLONDE WOMAN

Don't you remember?

QUILT:

(still gazing at Woman) Have you got all that down, Brown?

BROWN

Yes, sir!

QUILT

Well, rub it out again, would you?

NARRATOR

Lieutenant Quilt hurried back to Scotland Yard and within minutes of his arrival, the well-oiled machinery of the CID sprang into action.

INTERIOR MP CONTROL: DAY

Someone is riding an exercise bicycle which seems to supply the power to the dispatcher's phone set. The bike rider and the dispatcher are both dressed in nightshirts and nightcaps.

DISPATCHER

Calling patrol car 11D, calling car 11D! Urgent. Turn left into Oxford Street and head west, turn left into Oxford Street and head west. Calling car 5K, car 5K, turn right into Oxford Street and head due east, turn right into Oxford...

SOUND EFFECT: Car skid and crash.

DISPATCHER

Calling ambulance one-seven, calling ambulance one-seven...

CUT TO: Newsreel of captured German soldiers.

NARRATOR

The search continued. During the afternoon, several arrests were made.

CUT TO: EXTERIOR FOGGY STREET NIGHT: two lovers are gazing into each other's eyes.

NARRATOR

With nightfall, the weather took a turn for the worse. But, even in the darkest, foggiest street, London's indomitable police searched on, stopping late wayfarers and ruthlessly questioning them.

CONSTABLE

Hey! Hey, you two!

MAN

Uh, yeah?

CONSTABLE

Can you tell me the way back to the police station?

MAN

Just over there.

CONSTABLE

Thank you.

Constable exits, with his arms straight out in front of him, like a sleepwalker

SOUND EFFECT: Shout and fall into the water.

WOMAN

Darling, how romantic! We must be by the river.

CUT TO: INTERIOR POLICE STATION: DAY. Officer enters, carrying a stack of papers.

NARRATOR

By noon the following day, vast amounts of vital evidence were pouring in.

Officer with stack of papers drops an envelope on Quilt's desk and walks away with the rest. Brown scans the envelope with a magnifying glass and presents his verdict.

BROWN

It's a letter, sir.

QUILT

Well done, Brown.

BROWN

Thank you sir.

QUILT

Now let's see what this letter's all about. shall we? Hello! It's a report from the police laboratory.

BROWN

Really, sir?

QUILT

Yes. Let's see... 'Analysis of fluff taken from night watchman's trouser cuff. Discovered were fragments of wool, cotton, fine ash from Turkish-type cigarette, particles of dried mud from a limestone district...

BROWN

Good heavens!

QUILT

...and a quantity of low-grade industrial soot or coal dust.'

BROWN

Really, sir? And what was the analyst's conclusion?

QUILT

This suit needs cleaning.

BROWN

God!

QUILT

File that will you Brown?

BROWN

At once, sir!

Brown stretches out the hand that holds the report. Brown takes out a nail file and uses it on the report.

GRAMS: Knock on door.

Accompanied by silent-film style piano, a man with a moustache and hat enters the room. The following sequence is rendered in title cards.

BURKINGTON

GOOD MORNING.

Burkington does an extremely complex mime sequence, seemingly involving more than one person.

BURKINGTON

"I am CATCHPOLE BURKINGTON, famous star of the silent films."

Quilt and Brown look at each other, with some astonishment. Quilt tries to speak, but finds no sound is coming out. They decide to write out what they want to say.

QUILT

(Holds up piece of paper on which he has written) WHAT DO YOU WANT?

BURKINGTON

I'VE CALLED FOR MY UNEMPLOYMENT MONEY

QUILT

THE LABOUR EXCHANGE IS NEXT DOOR!!

Burkington uses the disguises cupboard to make instant changes: an 1890s style striped bathing suit, then back to his original suit. He takes a deep bow. While he is bent over, the Constable with the stack of papers trips over him. Burkington exits.

ANNOUNCER

We interrupt our story to bring you a word from Mr. Maurice Ponque.

Slow pan across to Mr Ponque

PONQUE (Dick Emery)

My name is Maurice Ponque... and I live in a little log cabin in Piccadilly. Last night, I left a burning cigarette by my bedside and the 'ole place burnt down. And the night before last, my fire insurance run out.. and we did not get a penny. My, how we did laugh, heh-heh, when we - heh-heh - heard about it.

ANNOUNCER (OOV)

Mr. Ponque has nothing to do with our story. We thought you might like to see what a real idiot sounds like.

INTERIOR SIR JERVIS FRUIT'S OFFICE: DAY

A highly coiffed blonde exquisite (Sellers) is lounging at his desk on a chaise-longue. He wears a smoking jacket and has a very long cigarette holder. The scene is intercut with Quilt, at his office desk.

NARRATOR

Six months later. The public are pressing for an early arrest. The Assistant Commissioner, Sir Jervis Fruit, rings Superintendent Quilt with an inquiry.

FRUIT

("Grytpype-Thynn" voice, languidly) Hello, Quilt. Have you a light?

QUILT

A light? Certainly sir.

Quilt holds a lighter up to the receiver, and Fruit lights his cigarette at the other end

FRUIT

Thank you.

QUILT

All right, sir.

FRUIT

Quilt, about this Mukkinese Battle-Horn thing, something must be done, you know.

QUILT

Yes.

FRUIT

Quilt, I want you to call at every Music Shop and Pawn Shop, masquerading as a musician inquiring for a Mukkinese Battle-Horn. Have you got that?

QUILT

Yes sir, Yes, yes.

FRUIT

Good. What ever you do, take every precaution and don't get yourself killed. Oh, I don't know, though...

A stone crashes through Quilt's window

QUILT

(panic-stricken) What was that? What was that Brown? Brown, what is that?

BROWN

(looking at the rock through his spyglass) It's a magnifying glass, sir!

QUILT

Control, Brown, control!

BROWN

A stone! With a message tied to it.

QUILT

What does it say?

BROWN

(reads note) 'Fred Smith, Window Repairer.'

QUILT

(reading same note) '14A Hurley Street.'

BROWN

Why, that's 14A Hurley Street's address!

QUILT

Yes, and no more than a stone's throw from here. Brown, we'll start our search there.

Brown puts on a hat that is too large for him and exits.

EXTERIOR STREET NIGHT.

Short montage of Pawnbrokers' signs - the last, outside CRUN's shop, has an extra ball...

QUILT

Business must be good.

BROWN

Yes, Sir.

Quilt knocks , impatiently.

QUILT

Come on!

CRUN

(inside the shop) Puss, pussy, pussy, kitty, kitty. Come on out of there you naughty little Tiddles.

(Knocking is continuous throughout this scene.)

MINNIE

Henryyy! Henryyy!

CRUN

Come on, Tiddles.

MINNIE

Henryyy!

CRUN

What is it Minnie? I... is... what is...

MINNIE

Knicky, knacky, knocky at the door!

CRUN

Minnie, I can't hear what you're saying for that knocking noise!

MINNIE

Tell them to stop that knocking!

CRUN

I can't hear you! Mnk, ngk...

Knocking stops

BROWN

I think there's someone coming ...

Crun opens the door a little

CRUN

Would you mind not knocking for a moment, please?

QUILT

Certainly.

CRUN

Thank you. (closes door) Now ... what was it, Minnie?

MINNIE

There's someone ... at the door, Henry.

CRUN

No, no ... there isn't Minnie.

MINNIE

No ... there isn't, is there, Henry.

CRUN

No ... no ...

MINNIE

Sorry Buddy ... good night.

CRUN

Good night, Minnie ... good night, Min.

Crun opens door a little way.

CRUN

It's all right ... you can carry on now.

Crun closes the door. We stay outside with Quilt and Brown, who pause and then re-commence the knocking.

MINNIE

Henry!

CRUN

back inside) Now what is it?

MINNIE

There's someone nicky-knocking at the door!

CRUN

(over Minnie's continuing prattle) There's NOT a nicky-knocking needle nardle noo! Look ... I'm telling you ... you stupid old cow! There's no-one there, I'm telling you ... mnk .... Aargh! ... you naughty old ... (going to door) There's no-one there, I'm telling you.

Crun goes to door and opens it

CRUN

Good evening. Won't you please come in?

QUILT

Brown, this may be dangerous. I want you to stick around here and keep your eyes open.

BROWN

Right, sir.

QUILT

Don't forget, Brown. Keep a sharp watch out.

BROWN

All right, sir.

INTERIOR SHOP: NIGHT

QUILT:

Good evening.

CRUN

Good, mm, good evening.

QUILT

Uh, I'm think of taking up music and I'm looking for a Mukkinese Battle-Horn.

CRUN

You can't get them, you know.

QUILT

Um, why not?

CRUN

You, mnk, can't get the wood, you know.

QUILT

I see.

CRUN

Poor old Molly Gnasher.

QUILT

What about her?

CRUN

She couldn't get the wood either.

QUILT

Perhaps some other time. Well, good night.

CRUN

Good...nnn...good night.

Quilt leaves, and joins Brown in the street, around a corner. The shop door opens and the BLONDE WOMAN emerges.

BLONDE WOMAN

Good night, Mother.

MINNIE

Good night, darling. Don't be late now.

BROWN

Good heavens, sir! Isn't that the lady you questioned at the museum, don't you think?

They set out after her. CUT TO: A sign that reads "Maxie's Club"

NARRATOR

The mysterious blonde led Quilt and Brown to Maxie's Club, a notorious hangout of London's Underworld.

EXTERIOR MAXIE'S CLUB NIGHT.

QUILT

Brown? I want you to get a message through to Scotland Yard to say that we're coming here and...

In the door a shutter slides open and MAXIE peers through it. He wears a false beard and moustache and dark glasses.

MAXIE

Yeah?

QUILT

I haven't knocked yet.

MAXIE

Sorry.

Closes shutter. Quilt raps on the door. The shutter opens again.

MAXIE

Yeah?

QUILT

Are you Mr. Maxie?

MAXIE

Such is my name.

QUILT

I'm sorry to bother you, Mr. Such. Will Mr. Maxie be along?

MAXIE

I AM Mr. Maxie.

QUILT

Then you weren't very long, were you? We were wondering if we could get into your club here.

MAXIE

You were wondering if you could get into my club here?

QUILT

Yes.

MAXIE

No.

QUILT

Why not?

MAXIE

This is a specially-fitted, double-strength, armour-plated door, and nobody can get through it.

QUILT

Then how did you get in?

MAXIE

Easy. I came through there.

We now see that next to the door is an opening with Saloon-style louvre doors.

QUILT

Cunning, very cunning.

A man is flung head-first out through the louvre doors into the street.

QUILT

Anyone we know?

BROWN

No, sir.

QUILT

Brown?

BROWN

Yes, sir?

QUILT

You'd better stick around and see what clues you can find.

BROWN

Very good, sir.

INTERIOR CLUB: NIGHT

A few dodgy-looking customers at tables. Three-piece band on the stand - tenor sax, piano and drums. It manages to sound like a full jazz band... Quilt walks into the club, which instantly falls silent and all eyes are focused on him. He sits down next to the Blonde Woman without seeing her, and takes off his hat. The noise resumes. The light dims and an exotic dancer with a veil moves seductively to some Pseudo-Eastern music. Quilt is very interested. The dancer moves closer to him.

QUILT

Oh, beauteous one. Oh, fairest of the fair! Sublime siren! Exquisite enchantress. What are you doing in a low hovel like this?

DANCER (J. SMITH)

I gotta make a living too, y'know!

QUILT

Why, you're not a girl, you're a man!

SMITH

I know that! But don't tell the manager.

QUILT

Why not!?

SMITH

We're engaged!

QUILT

I...see it all now.

SMITH

You can't! I haven't taken off the veils yet. Ha, haaa, ahee, ahigh, ahoo!

He covers Quilt's face with a veil and runs off. Quilt puts on his hat over the veil

QUILT

Brown!

BROWN

Yes, sir?

QUILT

Where are you?

BROWN

Where are you, sir?

Business: they look around, unable to locate one-another although close together

QUILT

I'm behind this curtain, Brown.

Brown removes the veil from Quilt's head

BROWN

Good heavens, sir! What a brilliant place to hide!

QUILT

Thank you, Brown.

BROWN

By the way, sir, that dancer...

QUILT

Yes?

BROWN

Wasn't that the man you interrogated at the museum, sir?

QUILT

Yes. I'm finally beginning to see the whole sinister plot.

BROWN

What do you mean, sir?

QUILT

I'll show you. Waiter!

WAITER

Yes, sir?

QUILT

Bring me the manager.

Maxie enters

MAXIE

Somebody call?

QUILT

Yes. First the night watchman and then...

He pulls off Maxie's glasses and false beard

BROWN

Good heavens, sir! The curator of the museum!

QUILT

Yes! Alias Doppleganger Wormscrew, head of an international ring of Mukkinese Battle-Horn smugglers!

WORMSCREW (Maxie)

Curses! Unmasked! Waiter!

BROWN

Be careful, sir! This might be a devilish trick!

The waiter arrives with a bowl of soup, from which Wormscrew) removes a gun. The detectives cower.

QUILT

Gad! Minestrone!

Brown runs his finger over the top of the barrel of the gun and licks it.

BROWN

And no salt!

QUILT

Brown! Quick, Brown!

Brown opens his jacket to reveal two sheathed swords. Quilt takes one

QUILT

The 11th hour but nevertheless just in the nick of time.

WORMSCREW

Bah! Outwitted by a neat and audacious trick!

Brown lifts Quilt's hat,and Quilt moves away from under it, fencing.

BROWN

Come!

Wormscrew and Quilt begin to fence, one with the gun the other with the sword

WORMSCREW

Touché!

QUILT

Three-ché!

WORMSCREW

Four-ché!

Brown holds out Quilt's hat, and peers into it.

BROWN

My God! He's ... gone!!

The fight continues. Quilt pours ketchup on Wormscrew's right arm.

WORMSCREW

Oh, BLOOD!

Wormscrew faints

QUILT

There! That's put an end to your... Nothing can save you now. Not all the king's horses, not all the king's men!

Through the swinging louvre doors, The Three Musketeers appear

MUSKETEER 1

Defend the King!

MUSKETEERS (together)

Defend the King!

They cross their swords and then charge, swords pointing forward.

QUILT

Brown, help me!

BROWN

(jumping in with a drawn sword) Excalibur!

QUILT

Down with the Lurgi! Have at you!

A full-blown melee ensues.

WORMSCREW

(still on the floor) I'm dying! I'm dying! I don't want to die!

CUT TO: Blonde Woman fencing with Quilt

QUILT

Brown?

BROWN

Yes, sir?

QUILT

Who is this girl?

BROWN

That's the producer's girlfriend, sir.

QUILT

What?

BROWN

(Straight to camera) You think I'm kidding?

WORMSCREW (still on the floor)

But I'm gonna die! It's in the script! I'm dying! (looking at blonde woman's ankles) I...I...oh, what a wonderful world we live in!

QUILT

(taking a short break) It's all rather confusing, really ... (resumes fencing)

WORMSCREW

(still on the floor, getting an eyeful of the Blonde Woman's legs) No, I don't! I want to live! Yes, I want to live!

BROWN

By the way, sir. Did you turn the gas off?

QUILT

Yes. They can't win. The poor fools can't win!

EXTERIOR MAXIE'S CLUB, NIGHT

Quilt and Brown are thrown out of the club.

QUILT

...I fear that taught them a lesson, Brown?

BROWN

By Jove, yes, sir!

Brown's hat falls at Brown's feet. QUILT retrieves it and Brown puts it on

BROWN

Thank you.

Mournful horn sounds can be heard in the distance. They get up.

QUILT

Thank goodness I've got you Brown. It would take a Superman to evade those eagle eyes of yours.

BROWN

Thank you, sir.

QUILT

Come lad, we must try and find the Mukkinese Battle-Horn.

BROWN

Right, sir!

QUILT

Whoever stole it won't get away, Brown.

They walk down the street. A busker is playing an instrument which is basically a Serpent with a lot of additional plumbing... it can only be the Mukkinese Battle-Horn - the source of the mournful music. They look at the musician for a while. They look at his sign, which says "EX-MUKKINESE SERVICE MAN. THANK YOU".

QUILT

Poor devil. Give him a couple of coins, Brown. (They walk off) Yes, Brown, arrest everyone...

The busker stops playing, looks in their direction, smiles mysteriously, and begins playing again.


End titles:

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