From A Bit More Fry & Laurie, this short sketch flirts with the comedy of embarrassment, for once leaving Stephen with egg on his expressive features.

Hugh:

My first kiss. I suppose everyone can remember their first kiss. Nothing quite lives up to it, does it? I was eleven years old I remember and my great-uncle had come to stay for a few weeks on parole. We used to play a game where I would sit on his lap and he would pretend to be a train. Then one day…

Stephen comes on

Stephen:

Hugh, Hugh, what are you saying?

Hugh:

I was telling the ladies and gentlemen about my first kiss.

Stephen:

Yes, but Hugh, this is a delicate area, I really don't think—

Hugh:

We agreed that A Bit More Fry & Laurie was going to be an arena for the expression of all kinds of ideas and experiences that wouldn't normally find their way on to television, didn't we?

Stephen:

We did, we did agree.

Hugh:

So my surprise at feeling a tongue suddenly…

Stephen:

Hugh, there are valid arenas and valid arenas. This is not one of them.

Hugh:

But I want that experience to be understood. It may help others to know that they're not the first to feel that wet…

Stephen:

Hugh. Believe me this is a whole can of worms you're opening here, and if there is one single taboo left, one unmentionable subject not fit for comic treatment, you've just mentioned it.

Hugh:

But surely there's nothing so very odd about it. There I was on my great-uncle's lap and in came Lucy.

Stephen:

Lucy.

Hugh:

Yes, Lucy.

Stephen:

And how old was Lucy?

Hugh:

Oh, twelve I think. And I kissed her.

Stephen:

You kissed her.

Hugh:

Yes

Stephen:

You've done this deliberately haven't you?

Hugh:

Done what?

Stephen:

You set it up to make it sound as if—

Hugh:

As if what?

Stephen:

Never mind. Get on with it.

Hugh:

All right. So I kissed Lucy, and was very surprised to feel her tongue pop out. It was my first real snog and I loved it. You can imagine that I fell in love instantly. Sadly the next year Lucy developed distemper and had to be put down.

Stephen:

Doh.