Flushed Grollings

A favourite of mine from "A Bit Of Fry And Laurie". Stephen Fry comes into a hardware supplier - the sort that professionals go to, with a man in a brown coat behind a counter. Lots of shelves and cabinets of little drawers. The sort of place where I would be completely baffled... Stephen has a list in his hand.

Hugh:
Help you sir?
Stephen:
Um, a dozen grollings please.
Hugh:
Flushed or galvanized?
Stephen:
Flushed.
Hugh:
Right. That be it?
Stephen:
A copper flange-pipe, braced, two jubilees, seven nipples...
Hugh:
Greased?
Stephen:
Greased nipples, yeah. Five olive-spantles, jigged and onioned.
Hugh:
Twelve or seventeen mil?
Stephen:
Twelve. Metre of fleeling wire, co-axial, twenty UJs and a parping couplet.
Hugh:
Male or female?
Stephen:
Male. No - second thoughts - one of each.
Hugh:
Do you want the parping couplet standing proud?
Stephen:
No... embarrassed, I think.
Hugh:
An embarrassed parping couplet. That it?
Stephen:
Two rolls of spowling tape.
Hugh:
Double-sided?
Stephen:
Do they do single-sided?
Hugh:
Only in Viennese lengths.
Stephen:
Better go with double then. Six sheets of gruddock paper.
Hugh:
Parkinised?
Stephen:
No.
Hugh:
Right.
Stephen:
Nearly there. Four felching pens and a bevelled spill-trunion.
Hugh:
Only got one felching pen left. Got some frotting pencils though.
Stephen:
Will they do?
Hugh:
Well - you know the thrush-plate?
Stephen:
Yeah.
Hugh:
You can use a frotting pencil on that, rude to the lookout-valve on the fumpspoke, and you can cut out the felching altogether... as long as you rim the satchel-arm properly first.
Stephen:
Right - four frotting pencils then.
Hugh:
So that's it, is it?
Stephen:
Yup.
Hugh:
You've already got a clip-jawed double lock brace, have you?
Stephen:
D'you reckon I'll need one?
Hugh:
Well, are you going straight or curved?
Stephen:
Straight, then curved.
Hugh:
Ah. Well you should be all right then, as long as you remember to suck the clenching pin tight to the arc thrust.

Stephen fetches Hugh one across the face.

Stephen:
How dare you!
Hugh:
Sorry.