"Michelangelo's Last Supper"
The scene is a room in the Vatican. The Pope is looking with some displeasure at a painting of the Last Supper.
- Footman 1:
- Michelangelo to see the Pope.
- Footman 2:
- Michelangelo to see the Pope ... Michelangelo Buonarotti to see the Pope.
Michelangelo enters
- M'angelo:
- Evening, Your Grace.
- Pope:
- Evening Michelangelo. I want to have a word with you about this Last Supper of yours.
- M'angelo:
- Oh yes?
- Pope:
- I'm not happy with it.
- M'angelo:
- Oh dear. It took hours ...
- Pope:
- Not happy at all.
- M'angelo:
- Er ... do the jellies worry you?
- Pope:
- No.
- M'angelo:
- No ... they add a bit of colour, don't they? Oh, I know, you don't like the kangaroo.
- Pope:
- What kangaroo?
- M'angelo:
- I'll alter it .. no sweat.
- Pope:
- I never saw a kangaroo?!
- M'angelo:
- Well, it's right at the back ... but I'll paint it out ... no problem ... I'll make it into a disciple.
- Pope:
- Ah ...
- M'angelo:
- All right now?
- Pope:
- That's the problem ...
- M'angelo:
- What is?
- Pope:
- The disciples.
- M'angelo:
- Are they too Jewish? I made Judas the most Jewish ...
- Pope:
- No, no ... it's just that there are TWENTY-EIGHT of them.
- M'angelo:
- Well - another one would hardly notice, then. So ... I'll make the kangaroo into a disciple.
- Pope:
- No ...
- M'angelo:
- All right, all right, we'll lose the kangaroo altogether, I don't mind ... I was never completely happy with it.
- Pope:
- ... that's not the point ... there are TWENTY-EIGHT DISCIPLES!
- M'angelo:
- Too many?
- Pope:
- Well of course it's too many!
- M'angelo:
- Well, in a way ... but I wanted to give the impression of a huge get-together. You know, a real Last Supper - not just any old supper but a proper, final treat - a real mother of a blowout.
- Pope:
- There were ONLY TWELVE DISCIPLES at the Last Supper.
- M'angelo:
- Well, suppose some of the others happened to drop by?
- Pope:
- There were only twelve disciples altogether!
- M'angelo:
- Well ... maybe they'd invited some friends ...
- Pope:
- There were twelve disciples and Our Lord at the Last Supper. The Bible clearly says so.
- M'angelo:
- No friends?
- Pope:
- No friends.
- M'angelo:
- Waiters?!
- Pope:
- No!
- M'angelo:
- Cabaret?!
- Pope:
- No!!
- M'angelo:
- Well, you see - I like them. They fill out the canvas. I suppose we could lose three or four of them ...
- Pope:
- There were only twelve disciples.
- M'angelo:
- I've got it - I've got it! We'll call it the Penultimate Supper.
- Pope:
- What?
- M'angelo:
- There must have been one. I mean, if there was a last one there must have been one before that, right?
- Pope:
- Yes ...
- M'angelo:
- Well, this is the Penultimate Supper. The Bible doesn't say how many people were there, does it?
- Pope:
- No, but ...
- M'angelo:
- Well, there you are, then.
- Pope:
- The Last Supper was a significant event in the life of Our Lord. The Penultimate Supper was not, even if they had a conjurer and a steel band. Now, I commissioned a Last Supper from you, and a Last Supper I want ... with TWELVE disciples, and ONE Christ.
- M'angelo:
- ONE??!!!
- Pope:
- Yes, one. Now will you tell me what in God's name possessed you to paint this with three Christs in it?
- M'angelo:
- (shouting) IT WORKS, MATE!
- Pope:
- It does NOT!
- M'angelo:
- It does! The fat one balances the two skinny ones!
- Pope:
- There was only ONE Saviour!
- M'angelo:
- I know that ... but what about a bit of artistic licence?
- Pope:
- ONE Redeemer.
- M'angelo:
- I'll tell you what you want, mate ... a bloody photographer, not a creative artist with some imagination ...
- Pope:
- I'll tell you what I want ... I want a Last Supper, with twelve disciples, one Christ, no kangaroo by Thursday lunch - or you don't get paid.
- M'angelo:
- Bloody fascist!
- Pope:
- Look - I'm the bloody Pope ... I may not know much about art - but I know what I like!