A hearty 'Ook! Ook!' of congratulation to the creator of the Discworld, of the twin cities of Ankh-Morpork, of the Unseen University, the Trolls, Dwarfs, Witches, Wizards (and Wizzard), Zombies, Werewolves, Vampyres, Corporal Nobbs (rumoured to be a Human Being) - in fact of the richest, most entertaining satirical parody of our Earthly existence to be had, by science or by magic.

In the New Year Honours List, Terry Pratchett is made a Knight, for services to literature, and that can only be reckoned a Good Thing. At least he hasn't had to marry a Duchess who breeds dragons to achieve it, unlike his character Sam Vimes, Captain of the Town Watch... There'll be many an ale sunk at the Mended Drum tonight!

All hail Sir PTerry!

31st December, 2008

Over on the Pharyngula blog run by Prof. PZ Myers, you can read some of the e-mail messages that the good Professor received from the devout after he helped to persuade the Cincinnati Zoo not to hitch up with the pseudo-museum of creation-nut Ken Ham, because it would damage their standing as a scientific institution. The obvious lack of contact with any recognisable reality makes them a joy ...

To the great delight of PZ's readership (which is vast), one of these missives, with leaden-footed sarcasm ended:

"Until then, happy monkey! (or whatever non Christian evolution people say)"

The result is that we 'evolution people' now have a new Christmas-tide greeting, taken up with alacrity, so to all and sundry, including the yet-to-evolve e-mailers:

Happy Monkey!

19th December, 2008

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A regular feature to be found in The Oldie magazine - incidentally I've always disliked the title - what is an 'oldie'? As against what? A 'youngie'? A 'middlie'? Oh hell, I've wandered off track already. The feature in question is entitled 'Once I Met...', and each article fills at least a half page with reminiscence about a meeting between the author and some stellar personality, and who said what to whom about which. Well I can claim to have met quite a few celebrities - that's celebrities in the traditional sense of someone well-known for achievement in some field of endeavour, and not the present-day use to describe a physically over-endowed bimbo one has never heard of unless one watches 'reality' television programmes, which one doesn't - but my encounters would not yield a great deal of copy.

There was Terry Wogan for example - we met for the first time on a 'Come Dancing' outside broadcast from Bury. I was augmenting the Tony Evans Orchestra, and the show was all Old(e) Time. I remember that the rehearsal of the Military Two-step (I think) had collapsed because the band all got the giggles playing Sousa's 'Liberty Bell', it being the signature tune of Monty Python's Flying Circus. I fell into conversation with Terry during a break. 'These dancers', he gestured expansively, 'they hate me, you know.' A reflective pause... 'Ah, f--k 'em' said Terry, immediately going up in my estimation.

Of the ladies I can think of four that I was delighted to meet, only the once. To begin with, I had to meet a friend and colleague to hand over some music parts, and I turned up and was duly introduced to the man who's house it was, the composer Carl Davis. Then I saw her... one of the prettiest and most appealing of young actresses, Madeline Smith. I admit it, I burbled. 'I was watching you in a film on TV just last night,' I said. 'Oh dear' said Madeline - the film, entitled Vampire Lovers had been one in which she had been induced to remove most of her clothes in order to thresh about with Ingrid Pitt, and she obviously didn't regard it as the pinnacle of her achievements. (She later said that she was still a virgin when the film was shot!) She was very sweet about it, and I as far as I can remember I committed no further faux pas.

I was introduced to another of my favourites at a charity function, where she was selling raffle tickets. My boss, Madeline Bell knew I was keen on meeting her, so brought us together, This was Jenny Hanley, and I can only say that, like Madeline Smith, she was as charming as I could have hoped for. The first sight I had had of was her first ITV Magpie assignment, during which she had been washing an elephant, but I don't think it came up in the conversation.

Working with impressionist Paul Melba, I met Barbara Windsor. She was sitting on a sofa in his dressing room at the Lakeside club at Frimley Green. 'Ullo!' she said, patting the sofa, 'Come and sit here.. ' Naturally, I did -- and we chatted for a while. She was charming and very easy to talk to BUT I have no recollection of what was said, not a single word! I wonder whatever happened to her...

Finally, one afternoon at the London Palladium, I had arrived early to distribute some additions to the orchestra music. There was a raucous Siamese-cat-in-heat noise coming from somewhere... and then it stopped and a figure emerged from the Number One dressing room, which was at stage level. 'Sorry about the noise' she said, and explained that she had to do these vocal warming up exercises. This was Shirley MacLaine... I had rather fallen for her in her first movie role, in the 1955 'The Trouble With Harry', but didn't mention that. I also knew she was a bit of a nut about various woo-woo beliefs, and they didn't crop up either. All of which meant that we were able to chat for half an hour, without my descending into burbling mode, and very pleasant it was too. I just wish I could remember what the hell we did talk about. There might have been an article in it.

15th December, 2008

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Signature tunes would seem to have been an obvious idea, useful in building a 'brand image', for a series like Coronation Street, Doctor Who, The Archers or Blue Peter or for a performer - you heard Give Me The Moonlight and immediately thought of Frankie Vaughan, Big Hearted Arthur and Arthur Askey was uppermost in your mind. The Sheik of Araby ushered Tommy Cooper on-stage, and Bob Hope's imminent arrival was always heralded with Thanks For The Memory. The public responded with keen anticipation, and were half-way warmed up before the act began. Listen -- it's Mary From The Dairy - and here comes good ol' Max Miller!

So who invented this clever idea? We can't be certain, but many people consider it to have been the Australian song and dance man, Albert Whelan. Popular in the first half of the 20th Century in British music hall and variety theatres, he would make his entrance dressed in full evening toggery, white tie and tails, top hat, silk scarf and gloves, whistling a waltz, Die Lustige Bruder. He would divest himself of hat, scarf and gloves before starting on his act.

Roy Hudd relates how Sir Oswald Stoll engaged him, but only pemitted him a short spot. Albert made his entry in the usual style, and by the time he got his gloves off he was halfway through his allotted time, so he carried on, still whistling and re-dressing himself in gloves, scarf and hat... and made his exit!

You can imagine from this that he was a cool, elegant performer. Strange then to discover that on the wireless of the 1930s he appeared as one half of a black-face cross-talk act, Alexander and Mose, with 'Almost a Gentleman' - Billy Bennett. To give you a flavour of this...

All good clean stuff!

5th November, 2008

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This seems to me to be the right time of year for this song -- words by the great Johnny Mercer.

It was discovered after Mercer's death, and Barry Manilow came up with a melody - like this recorded here by Rosemary Clooney.

And when October goes
The snow begins to fly
Above the smoky roofs
I watch the planes go by
The children running home beneath
A twilight sky
Oh for the fun of them
When I was one of them...

And when October goes
The same old dream appears
And you are in my arms
To share the happy years
I turn my head away to hide
The helpless tears
Oh how I hate to see October go

I should be over it now I know
It doesn't matter much
How old I grow
I hate to see October go

22nd October, 2008

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TO LEADERS, GOVERNERS, POLITICIANS AND ALL PEOPLE OF EARTH... We wish it to be understood that on the 14th day of your month of October in the year 2008 a craft of great size shall be visible within your skies. It shall be in the south of your hemisphere and it shall scan over many of your states.

So begins a page on the web site of Blossom Goodchild (Crazy name, looney gal!) outlining messages she says she has received. Amazingly she gave actual details of day, month and year. Always a mistake in the world of woo-woo... Anyway, it drivels on...

We give to you the name of Alabama.

It has been decided that we shall remain within your atmosphere for the minimum of three of your twenty four hour periods.

During this time there will be much commotion upon your earth plane. Your highest authorities will be intruding into 'our' atmospherics that surround our ship. This 'security field' is necessary for us, as there shall take place a 'farce' [sic] from those in your world who shall try to deny that we come in LOVE.

She said it - a real farce...

And there's more... lots more, but I think that's enough to be going on with. Here we are in the third day of the predicted period, and not a word about this visitation has escaped from Alabama (Why Alabama? Why not somewhere sensible?) D'you think just maybe - perhaps (gasp) they never came after all? Go on, have fun, check out the lady's site, clicking on 'Federation of light' > 'The message'. And no giggling or writing on the walls...

PS: 'The south of your hemisphere'? What in tarnation does that mean? Has someone nicked the other hemisphere?

16th October, 2008

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Correct me if I'm wrong, but hasn't the fine line between sanity and madness gotten finer?" asked George Price. A brief glance around you will reinforce the feeling that Mr Price was right on the money.

For example, in Canada a religious community known as the Hutterites claim to believe that it is a sin to be photographed.. Harmless superstition one might think. But the Hutterites want driving licences...

"To be considered for such a licence in Ontario, an applicant must prove membership in a registered religious organization and provide "actual scriptural passages" to support their objection to being photographed. Since 1986, approximately 80 people have applied, but not a single exemption has been handed out."

Interestingly, pictures of Hutterites are to be found on the Internet... They are still trying.

Then there are the headlines one sees; these caught my eye in the past seven days.

• Mom brings rabid bat to school, lets kids touch it
• School board trustee accused of ketchup theft
• Seventeen-Star General admits to grabbing stars when no one was looking
  Oh OK, that was a spoof one from The Onion!
• Naked swimmer evades police in Tokyo palace moat
• Man shoots himself in arm after being denied sex
• Iowa man faces charges after hugging officer
• And the lulu of the bunch, worthy of Chris Morris - Driver flees exploding custard truck

I rest my case!

8th October, 2008

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Uncle Bob Mugabe, President of the Republic of Zimbabwe, calls the power-sharing agreement with Morgan Tsvangirai 'humiliating'. Well, I can't help wondering if it's as much of a humiliation as having brought the country you rule, once the prosperous 'bread-basket of Africa', to a state of abject ruin. The people are starving, the inflation has rendered the currency less than worthless.

I reckon that puts the 'humiliation' Mugabe is whining about deep in the shade, don't you?

18th September, 2008

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Why don't I update this page more often? One good reason is that I spend far too much time reading the fascinating outpourings of others... Several times every day, for example, I log in to Prof. PZ Myers's science blog, Pharyngula, self-described as "Evolution, development, and random biological ejaculations from a godless liberal". PZ is a biologist and associate professor at the University of Minnesota, Morris, with, I swear, a secret desire to actually be a cephalopod... It's a site that can get quite lively, and the hate mail he receives, a selection of which he sometimes publishes, is mind-boggling.

Then there is The Bad Astronomer (Bad-ass, geddit?) the blog of Doctor Phil Plait (pronounced 'plate' somewhat unexpectedly). As I mentioned (below) Doctor Plait has recently added the office of President of the James Randi Educational Foundation to his duty roster. He "is an astronomer, lecturer, and author. After ten years working on Hubble Space Telescope and six more working on astronomy education, he struck out on his own as a writer. He has written two books, dozens of magazine articles, and 12 bazillion blog articles. He is a skeptic, and fights misuses of science as well as praising the wonder of real science". If you should ever want to refute some pillock's assurances that the 'moon landings were all a hoax', the whole subject is covered throughly here. In addition, our Phil is a mad keen Doctor Who buff, recently pictured with Naoko Mori and Julie Gardner - w00t!

Of course there is always RichardDawkins.net where articles and videos from all over the place, pro and con, are displayed and commented on. Down in the left-hand column there is a large button, marked 'the good, the bad, the ugly', which takes the visitor to a selection of e-mails sent to the site and to Richard, sorted as described. The blonde with the staring, psychotic gaze who headlines the 'ugly' section is, by the way, the repellent Ann Coulter - her solution to the Middle East was that the US should forcibly convert them all to christianity! If you got a bang out of Richard reading out some of these examples of vicious godliness, you'll enjoy the 'ugly' section... I know I do!

So that's why I don't write much... oh, wait! I just have...

7th September, 2008

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Here's a happy chappie -- Phil Plait, The Bad Astronomer has been asked by James Randi to take over the position of President of the James Randi Educational Foundation (JREF).

The Amazing Randi continues as Founder and Chairman of the Board of Directors.

The goals of the JREF are to bring critical thinking to the public, expose pseudoscientific frauds, and promote real science and rationality. “Phil is a skeptic, a scientist, and a colleague, and his ideas and vigour will take the JREF very far indeed. We’re pleased and proud to have him take the reins,” said James Randi, internationally known magician and critical thinker, who is the founder and outgoing president of the JREF. “I will now be dedicating much of my time to completing my next two books, Wrong!, and A Magician in the Laboratory.”

Congratulations to Dr Plait, and to James Randi -- good pick, Amazing one!

5th August, 2008

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New Humanist magazine has an interesting interview with James 'The Amazing' Randi, in which James talks about the history of the JREF Million Dollar Challenge and the reason for its being withdrawn in 2010.

It boils down to the fact that JREF can make better use of the money than just having it sit there waiting for someone - anyone? - to come along who has the sort of ability that would win the moolah - as it has sat (admittedly racking up interest) for many years.

Sometimes it's claimed by challengees that the money doesn't exist - it's their excuse for not attempting the tests. James says "The amount on deposit has always remained one million dollars and currently - as of 1 June 2008 - stands at $1,106,144.62. A notarised copy of that statement is available by mail, fax, or email to any person who inquires, though we have never had such an inquiry."

22nd July, 2008

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Of minuscule importance to the world at large, today is my birthday. Seventy-one times I have swung around the sun, and here we go for trip number seventy-two. Hold very tight, there...

A few more important things have occurred on 21st July, starting in 1595 (well before my time, I add with desperate haste) with an English victory, against the Spanish Armada (some put it at 8th August apparently. Oh well...) 21/7/1831 saw Leopold I as King of the Belgians, and Belgium becoming independant of The Netherlands. Happy birthday, Belgium! In 1884, the first Test Match at Lord's took place - was that an English victory too? Well, yes, as it happens, MCC beat an Australian XI.

The infamous 'Monkey Trial' of John Scopes came to a shameful end on this day in 1925, with biology teacher Scopes found 'guilty' of teaching evolution in a Dayton, Tennessee school. The red-necks are still awaiting a spot of evolution down there, I believe... And in 1969, I spent my birthday in Fowey, Cornwall, and watched Neil Armstrong set foot upon the surface of the Moon - probably the most momentous event to occur in my lifetime.

The page of Scrapbook turns, as a voice used to intone on the wireless Scrapbook programme. I hope for quite a few more pages...

21st July, 2008

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The word "re-make" sends shivers coursing down my creaky old spine when I hear it (the word, that is, not my spine, although that certainly does creak).

One of my ideas of a good time is to surrender what remains of my sanity on a temporary basis to the menace lurking behind the golf brollies and general faux-jollity of The Village in Patrick McGoohan's 1960s TV series, The Prisoner. I watched the original airings, and I watch repeats at every opportunity. It's been called the first TV masterpiece, although that may be stretching things a bit - it's hardly flawless!

For ages there have been rumours of the dreaded re-make. Then SKY announced that they were indeed going to produce a new version. Then they said they weren't... The head of SKY One cited "too many creative differences to try to share it with an American partner" -- that was last Autumn.

Well - they are going ahead, and with an American actor in the lead role (wouldn't you know it?) as Number Six. Unknown to me, Jim Caviezel, the pronunciation of whose surname is also unknown to me, is apparently well-known to others for his portrayal of Jesus in Mel Gibson's fictional snuff movie, The Passion of the Christ. They also have on board Sir Ian McKellen, in the part of Number Two. As you no doubt remember, one of the odd features of the original series was that Number Two was different in each episode, but they are betting the farm on a single Number Two in the new version. Obviously the emphasis will be different - the Cold War lay behind the original, and that won't do any longer.

We shall see. I shall approach it with some trepidation, and try not to get my hopes up, so that I stand a chance of being pleasantly surprised. Maybe.

A PS: according to the Guardian, ITV Productions is co-producing the six-part series with Granada International and AMC, the US cable network. So SKY are not, after all, involved. On a brighter televisual note, the BBC are at last shooting the long-awaited Little Dorrit series, with a stellar cast. Now that I am looking forward to!

1st July, 2008

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Another fragment of Richard Murdoch's poetic genius arrives in an e-mail from Sue Timmins, for which I thank her most sincerely! She has plucked it from her childhood memories...

Forcemeat balls are very indigestible
Unless you eat them covered in cheese;
When you eat roast mutton in a restaurant,
Remove your gloves and cover your knees....

Immaculate scansion, as always. One of these fine days we shall have an authoritative version... maybe!

1st June, 2008

Fired by enthusiasm after receiving the above snippet, I have compiled all the fragments into one file and here they are, in my Transcripts and Scripts section.

6th June, 2008

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BBC news site headline: Acts from around Europe tune up for the Eurovision Song Contest

That would be a first...

24th May, 2008

The young demonstrator mentioned in a previous entry who was summonsed when he called Scientology a "cult", is off the hook.

The CPS (Crown Prosecution Service) is having none of it:

"In consultation with the City of London Police, we were asked whether the sign was abusive or insulting.

"Our advice is that it is not abusive or insulting and there is no offensiveness (as opposed to criticism), neither in the idea expressed nor in the mode of expression."

And so say all of us...

23nd May, 2008

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Contrary to the misinformation promulgated by the IDiots, evolution still happens, and today has been an interesting one.

1. "Reverse evolution", is the rather loose term that is being used in today's article about a population of little sticklebacks that were without the armour of their marine ancestors. They lived in the heavily polluted Lake Washington, near Seattle, that was described as 'a 300,000-acre cesspool'. The pollution rendered them fairly safe from predators, because visibility was so poor, and so the armour was unneeded.

In the 1950s a massive clean-up effort was launched, and by 1968 the lake was sweet and clear, with water transparent to a depth of around 25 feet - and the little chaps were then in full view of those who would lunch upon them. BUT - they have responded by reverting to the armoured state of their ancestors, with 49% of them fully shielded, head to tail, and another 35% protected over half their bodies.

Evo can get a wiggle on when the need arises!

See National Geographic article.

2. "The Frogamander". This is a 290-million-year-old fossil that links modern frogs and salamanders. It's known as Gerobatrachus hottoni and it has a mixture of frog and salamander features, with fused ankle-bones, as seen in the salamander, and a wide, light frog-type skull, as well as a spine that is halfway between the two.

It's a 'missing link', folks!

See Reuters article

22nd May, 2008

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Dustin the turkey carrying the hopes and dreams of the Republic of Ireland on his scrawny poll having been ousted from the Eurotripe Song Festering (who knew they had a semi-final?) viewers are assured of yet another Turkey of a production. This Cavalcade of Crud will provide all the entertainment value of Janet Street-Porter in a burqa, reciting from a Log Table. Again.

Italy, with a rare sense of taste and a feeling for quality, abandoned the thing years ago as being of insufficiently high standard for broadcasting - which for a country with stripping or topless housewife shows is saying something. A pity that the brutally-suited donkeys at the BBC can't rescue us from this annual wallow in Euro-Tat.

Then we wouldn't have to wait for a week for the next Doctor Who episode...

Meanwhile, in another part of the universe, what are the City of London Police up to? A lad is facing prosecution for using the word "cult" on a demo sign, to describe the Church of Scientology. What else can it be called - after all, it was described as such in a 1984 high court ruling by Mr Justice Latey, in which he described the Church of Scientology as a "cult" which was "corrupt, sinister and dangerous". Nevertheless the youthful demonstrator has been summonsed... It all sounds very dodgy to me, and I hope, to you as well.

Oh, PS: The Guardian says "The City of London police came under fire two years ago when it emerged that more than 20 officers, ranging from constable to chief superintendent, had accepted gifts worth thousands of pounds from the Church of Scientology." Hmmm.

22nd May, 2008

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Rocky Twyman of Washington, D.C. went to San Francisco over the weekend, where petrol is on sale at only, if my arithmetic holds up, 95p per litre ($4 for a US gallon), to stage a "pray-in" at a Chevron petrol station - he wants his god to drop the price, apparently. He is also calling on churchgoers to ask for God's intervention where he says politicians have failed.

Oh, right, that'll work...

28th April 2008

As expected, my arithmetic is rubbish: it's more like 53p per litre... and yesterday here I paid £1.11 per litre!

13th May 2008

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