It's…
I have just read that the 5th October, forty long years ago, was the date on which Monty Python's Flying Circus first sidled onto our TV screens. I say sidled, because it was rather shamefully treated by the British Broadcorping Castration, in that the weekly episodes did not have a consistent time slot, and sometimes they were pre-empted by a soccer game or something of the kind. Nevertheless, its burgeoning fan base, mostly students I suppose, followed it tenaciously, and it broke through and — well — completely revolutionised he TV comedy of the day. Well… there was, of course, Spike Milligan's 'Q' series, but that never achieved the 'viral' status that Python managed.
Is it still funny? Yes, it bloody well is! Last evening I watched several episodes, episodes that were very familiar. Even so, I guffawed when John Cleese, in the corner shop, turned to leave in his extraordinary Silly Walk. He must be sick and tired of it by now, but it is still hilarious.
I think back to recording sessions at Trident Studios, just off Soho's Wardour Street. If it was a night when the Flying Circus was on, we would take a Python break, all trooping into reception where there was a (gasp) Colour Television set, and settle there for half an hour, musicians and engineers alike, only returning to the studio after the full half hour, with cries of 'My brain hurts!' 'It will have to come out…'
Of the films, And Now For Something Completely Different was made for the US market, and was composed of re-run sketches from the TV series, filmed in a disused dairy somewhere. As it happened, it flopped in America, but did well here, where we had seen all the material before! M P and The Holy Grail was a much better production, and actually, despite the miniscule budget, was made to look absolutely wonderful by its two directors, the Terrys Gilliam and Jones.
Then came their best ever cinema project, M P's Life of Brian. A coherent plot, brilliant sketches carrying it forward, and some very good performances from the Pythons combined to make a film that I still watch today with a great deal of pleasure. And of course it has bequeathed a catch-phrase still heard — 'He's NOT the Messiah — he's a very naughty boy!'
5th October, 2009
Yesterday, 30th September, was International Blasphemy Day. A bit of a quandary, that. I mean, while I have no truck with gods, godesses and 'sacred' books, I also don't go around seeking out altars to spit on. Besides, I don't really know how the term has any relevance to me, a non-believer.
The dictionary (Oxford Compact) comes up with:
noun (pl. blasphemies) irreverent talk about God or sacred things.
Well, I'm hardly going to be 'reverent' about the non-existent — that would be as pointless as theology! Webster's has an additional meaning: "the act of claiming the attributes of deity". Can you see me doing that? And since I don't consider any book as 'sacred', well, I just don't see how I can commit 'blasphemy'. It has been suggested that the main thrust is to piss off the pious, which, while entertaining, is hardly constructive. So I didn't do anthing outrageous at all…
The one thing I would support is the campaign in the Republc of Ireland, where the ultimate Irish joke has them instituting a beefed up blasphemy law, just after we successfully concluded a long drawn-out campaign to abolish ours. The problem is, they have a written constitution, which was framed when the Church had the country firmly in its palsied grasp, and it apparently demands such a law.
Meanwhile, MediaWatchWatch has this blasphemous illustration, with something for everybody!
1st October, 2009
Where the hell did August go? That 'whoosh!' I heard must have been its departure…
I've just collected the various bits and bobs that I had published on this page about my early collisions with music making, and moved them to their own page. You can access les memoires if you are so minded, and have a strong stomach, from the menu to the left, over there, marked “Music and me” — a cavalcade of clap-trap, admittedly, but mine own.
7th September, 2009
The very best of birthday wishes to James “Amazing” Randi, of the James Randi Educational Foundation — 81 today and still promoting rationality, as well as providing an arena in which con-men, psychics and other charlatans can debunk themselves.
The famed $1,000,000 challenge, which was to have ended in March next year is, after all, to continue in an improved form, I'm glad to hear. We'll be watching with baited expectations…
7th August, 2009
My page of snippets from Richard Murdoch's parodies on “Ballet Egyptien” is still bringing me versions that people remember, with a good deal of fondness it seems.
I thought I would see if any of Mr M's other poetic triumphs might surface, so here are a couple of starters — firstly, Edward White's “Runaway Rockinghorse” :
Aniseed balls are
Four for a penny
And it isn't very many
And they never do you any good.
A caraway seed costs less than a shilling
But it isn't half as filling
As a bread-and-butter pud
And another, this time to a tune I know well*, but for the life of me I can't remember the title! Oh well…
Mulligatawny soup is nice
Especially when it's made with ammonia
Isn't it strange
A Christmas Pud
Is never the place
To plant a begonia?
And later, to another strain:
Years ago I bought a joint of horse-meat
Mixed it up with force-meat
Balls…
* The tune turns out to be “Nola”, by Felix Arndt - Google is my friend…
Anybody know any more?
28th July, 2009
It took a while, but someone finally came up with a fragment! David Houston supplied:
Paddington Baths are where I learnt to swim on my back while sucking a peppermint.
David also supplied the final line:
That is the end of my song, and I think it's about time, too!
18th February, 2011
MONTGOMERY BURNS (Simpsons) : Springfield's 104-year old entrepreneur and miser, given to ridding himself of visitors by instructing his toady, Waylon Smithers, to 'release the hounds…' Monty owns and runs the Nuclear power station, with scant regard for safety or environmental issues. He has a large wardrobe of garments made from animal skins… another voice (after the earliest appearances) from Harry Shearer.
BUGS BUNNY : Representing the cast of Warner Brothers other stars, including Porky Pig ('A-ber-th, a-ber-th, a-ber--that's all folks!), Daffy Duck ('You're deth…picable!'), Sylvester (and Tweety) and Foghorn Leghorn, all voiced by the incomparable Mel Blanc, Bugs is indomitable - 'Of course you realise dis means war…' and incredibly resourceful. A hint of Brooklyn in his speech reinforces the notion that he might just be a bit of a con-rabbit. 'Eh… what's up, Doc?'
PINKY : One of a pair of laboratory mice, the other being BRAIN. In some previous experiment, all the intelligence was sucked out of him and implanted in Brain, leaving one cheerful moron and one angry genius, whose daily task is to produce et another plot to Take Over The World. Pinky's cheerful insanity leads to his imaginative reactions to Brain's 'Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?' such as 'Well, I think so, Brain, but I can't memorize a whole opera in Yiddish.', or 'Uh, I think so, Brain, but we'll never get a monkey to use dental floss.' He's also given to punctuating his lines with 'Narf!' and 'Poit!' noises… Brain, who sounds a little like Orson Welles, is voiced by the wonderful Maurice LaMarche, and Pinky's oddly English voice is supplied by Chicagoan Rob Paulsen — it seems his father used to play Goon Show recordings to him as a child! Pinky And The Brain began as a segment of the Warner Brothers' Animaniacs series, but was spun off into its own series.
… and there are so many more! Wacko, Yakko and Dot, Betty Boop, Ren & Stimpy, Tom & Jerry, IM Weasel and IR Baboon, Cow and Chicken, Duckman (Private Dick/Family Man), Eric Cartman… and to quote the last-mentioned: “Screw you guys, I'm going home…”
27th June 2009
Sometimes I sits and thinks, sometimes I just sits… and what I have been thinking about is the enormous cast of cartoon characters we have been entertained by over the decades. I love these guys, and the artists and writers whe created them! I started to list a few of my favourites…
BRIAN : (Family Guy) The intellectual of the Griffin household, Brian is a class act. With his martini glass in hand, and his Wall Street Journal folded under his arm, he counsels Peter, the head of the household, he married Lois when Peter was declared dead… all this and yet he is only the family dog. He appears to be the only member of the family who can understand the speech of the baby, Stewie, and has on occasion performed Hope & Crosby type song and dance routines with him. Brian has something of a drink problem, leading to Stewie calling him, on one occasion, 'Cirrhosis the Wonder Dog'. An atheist and a liberal, he hates and is embarrassed by the fact that he instinctively reacts with barking to the presence of a black man, he worked as a sniffer dog for the police department and became addicted to cocaine, he is frightened of the vacuum cleaner and he still hasn't finished the novel he's been writing for years… Voiced by the show's creator, Seth McFarlane.
MR MAGOO : Myopic but undaunted, Magoo (voiced perfectly by the late Jim Backus) murmurs and roars his way through life, unfailingly getting the wrong end of every stick. Realising that he has been playing tennis not with his friend (Colonel?) but with a walrus his reaction is 'Well… I LIKE him!' The Magoo cartoons from UPS broke new ground in animation style and background artistry -- and used some very hip music scores.
WILE E. COYOTE : The emaciated desert wolf, eternally attempting to catch and eat the roadrunner, was the basis of the ultimate distillation of the cartoon short. Seven gag situations, played out against impressionistic backgrounds, and always featuring goods from the ACME catalogue, was a formula that worked time and time again. In the first cartoon, Wile E. did speak, rather pompously, and introduced himself as a 'su-u-u-per genius' -- although he failed just as miserably then as later. Afterward he remained silent. Quintessential Warner Brothers.
DOPEY : In the very first cartoon that I remember seeing, Walt Disney's first feature, Snow White And The Seven Dwarves, Dopey was the gentle pillock among the dwarves, all of whom were more efficient than he, even when sneezing or being bashful… Well… I LIKED him! And yes, I had nightmares about the Wicked Queen and her poisoned apple…
DR ZOIDBERG : (Futurama) The company 'Wellness Person' of Professor Farnsworth's inter-planetary delivery company, Zoidberg is an alien lobster with a strong Yiddish accent… and lobster is NOT kosher… Voiced by the incredibly versatile Billy West, Zoidberg is incompetent, given to panic-driven scuttling and miserably poor. His small brain is in his rump (I told you he was an alien) and his eating habits are disgusting…
DONALD DUCK : Of all the characters in Disney's short cartoons, it was always Donald who got the most rapturous reception at the Saturday Morning Pictures of my scabby-kneed boyhood. Truth to tell, we all found Mickey Mouse a trifle dull, but Donald, with his incoherent rages and his inability to cope with any of life's little trip--wires released the tensions in us all… Actually he was pretty incoherent at the best of times…
Enough for now… more to follow.
25th June, 2009
The magazine that comes with my Sunday paper has a page populated with little squares showing the web-sites of advertisers. Lacking anything more interesting to do, I actually bothered to read some of it today.
I get a strong impression that these are not people who understand that, to misquote Vince Flanders (of 'Web Pages That Suck') a man from Mars should be able to look at a web page and tell, within a maximum of seven seconds, what it's about. The raison d'être was not always immediately plain. In addition to which, if they were to read the things aloud, they could perhaps make the meaning clearer.
For example, one says "For a short time only beautifully restored antique baths were £899". OK, so what? Below it says "Now from £499". So for a short time they were over-priced… or do they mean that for a short time the prices have been reduced? Or was it only beautifully restored baths that were overpriced, while ordinary ones weren't? Search me.
Another: "Pictures speak louder than words". OK, I'm listening… but that's all it says.
An industrial-strength dominoes game ad tells us "Hollywood stars are already hooked on…" Again, so what? Does being what passes for a film star these days make you an authority on gaming? Or are we supposed to associate the game with lavish cocaine-fuelled soirées in Hollywood mansions? It's onlydominoes with extra whatever they are called, tiles, pieces, whatever… for some reason it's headlined 'Mexican Train'.
Finally, the SKY TV on-screen programme guide truncates the titles of programmes in order to fit them into the grid, and sometimes hilarity ensues… some time ago, a programme was announced called "The Joy of Pain" — hmm, I thought, sounds kinky… nah, it was about painting pictures… Now I see we can watch "Agatha Christie's Po". Oh well, that's no worse than my habit of thinking of the programme as "Agatha Christie's Parrot".
Damn, I'm easily amused…
17th May, 2009
The well-known "No God" bus posters seem to have created a style that others have latched onto with enthusiasm. First there was the contentious squeak from the Christian Party that "There is a god, there is, so there", which copied the colours and layout, and now...
... I found this picture at the site of the Swanage Railway. A strange familiarity about the look, doncha think? All best wishes to the folk who laboured to put this railway back on the rails and on the map. The BBC News site says "The first passenger train since 1972 is set to run on an historic steam-powered railway in Dorset next week. The special train - called the Purbeck Pioneer - will depart from London's Victoria Station on Wednesday."
"It is 37 years since the last British Rail passenger train ran on the Swanage Railway between Wareham, Corfe Castle and Swanage on 1 January 1972."
29th March, 2009
Reuters report that the prizewinners in the annual odd book title contest have been announced for volumes published in 2008 — and it's not a bad selection, either...
The competition, run by The Bookseller magazine, originated in 1978 at the Frankfurt Book Fair in an attempt to stave off boredom. Among favourite winners of the past we have 2004's Bombproof Your Horse, and in 1995 Reusing Old Graves. 2008's crop included Baboon Metaphysics and Curbside Consultation of the Colon which, you'll agree, were pretty strong contenders. However, the laurel wreath goes to Philip M Parker, for his riveting good read The 2009-2014 World Outlook for 60-milligram Containers of Fromage Frais. Cheese it, Phil!
Walk, don't run, to your bookstore before you forget the title...
27th March, 2009
Sympathetic believers ask 'What made you become An Atheist?', and are often taken aback by the answer, which is 'Nothing'. I was born, believe it or not, as a baby... and babies aren't born with a label on their foreheads, 'Christian', 'Jew', 'Moslem, Hindu' or whatever. I was born atheist, as we all are, after which one acquires childhood yarns, parables and stories as told in your part of the world, and it either ends there or you at some point think about it and realise what hogwash it all is. For me, the childhood mythology fizzled out at the age of about eight, when an older lad (who in later life became very well known for his Points of View among other things) mentioned casually that there was 'no such thing as god'. Bingo! That cleared up all sorts of things that had been bothering me... Things like wondering how people 'knew' their religion was the only true one, when other people were equally certain that theirs was the only true etc...
Quentin Crisp, while appearing in Northern Ireland said that he was an atheist, and was asked 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?' In fact what he had just told them was that he had no gods, no deities of any kind squatting on his life. That's something they, the believers, find hard to understand. Worried, they chip away, trying to accomodate this lack of a god or gods within the framework of their beliefs — and they often fail.
So — 'What made you a Believer?' Ah... well... for a couple of years in my teens, I fell under the spell of an American evangelist. In 1954, a grey and austere time in the UK, Billy Graham ran 'Crusades'. Colourful and glamorous, Graham, with his blonde hair and his powder-blue American suits provided something a little sensational to enliven our drab existence! With a choir thousands strong, recruited from local church choirs, a trombone-playing music director, Cliff Barrows, and a fine baritone singer in George Beverley Shea (who, by the way, is still with us, and reached the age of 100 in February this year), the circus hit town. Well, Harringay Arena in fact, where we used to see ice shows, hockey and actual circuses, and even sometimes stagger round on skates.
Now comes the confession... I really only went along because I was a tad infatuated with a young lady who mentioned that she was going. (Hi, Angela!) I have no idea where she was seated (the place had 8,200 seats, witout taking in to account the floor over the ice which held many more) but she was there somewhere. I'm not going to launch into a description of how it all happened, although I must say it was great fun to sing in that enormous choir, but suffice it to say I became an active member of the local Congregational Church up until I joined the RAF in 1956. Once away in the Middle East I had time to think and ask myself what the hell I was doing, and just why was I supposed to feel guilty and about what... and fairly soon the sun came out again! Christianity is, I think, the only belief system that implies that you are born guilty, rotten from the start (I understand there is even a spot of exorcism in the Roman Catholic Christening service). Well to hell with that! I'll take the rap for things I have actually done, but Original Sin? Pull the other one...
9th March, 2009
Sometimes you just have to admire chutzpah, even when someone is doing something completely unacceptable. I thought this story was definitely one of those times...
Reuters report that 'A 66-year-old passenger who arrived at Barcelona airport in a wheelchair and with a leg cast made entirely of cocaine was arrested on Friday as he tried to get through customs.'
As if that were not enough, the smuggler also had cocaine stashed in six cans of beer and two folding stools in his luggage. Police confiscated nearly 5 kilos of coke in all.
It's got to be a better bet than swallowing condoms full of the stuff...
6th March, 2009
A cracking good story from Reuters... the Garda in The Republic of Ireland have been trying to catch a chap who has racked up fifty driving offences. They have his name, but they also have a different address for him for each offence... curiouser and curiouser. And they haven't been able to find him.
He is Polish, one of many who moved into the Republic during its recent more prosperous times, and his name is Prawo Jazdy.
The resolution of the problem came when it was noticed that Mr Jazdy's name, taken down by officers from his driving licence was actually not his name at all, but the Polish for 'Driving Licence'...
19th February, 2009
Stephen Green, self-promoted Gauleiter of the finger-wagging 'Christian Voice' no-hopers, complained about the cheerful 'Probably no god' posters, to the Advertising Standards Authority. This, remember, is the man who said 'People don't like to be preached at', occasioning gales of merriment all round. Presumably he doesn't do irony... Anyway, the ASA have examined his complaint, that the ads were 'misleading the public', and have pronounced upon it.
"The ASA council concluded that the ad was an expression of the advertiser's opinion and that the claims in it were not capable of objective substantiation. Although the ASA acknowledges that the content of the ad would be at odds with the beliefs of many, it concluded that it was unlikely to mislead or to cause serious or widespread offence."
In case you have forgotten, Stephen Green is the man who pressured a cancer charity, Maggies Centres, offering palliative care to sufferers, to refuse a donation from the company presenting 'Jerry Springer: The Opera' (a jolly good show, by the way. I probably wouldn't have bought the DVD had it not been for Mr Green's campaign, causing Sainsbury's (and probably other stores) to stop selling it.) Having brought a suit against the BBC and the producer of the show, for blasphemy, Green was saddled with costs of some £90,000, which made him whine that it would bankrupt him, and could he please be let off? Had the judgment been in his favour, it would have been our licence money that paid those costs. I don't know what has happened about the debt since, but it certainly hasn't taught him any kind of lesson. He's still in there, leading with his whiskery chin, and hittng the nail squarely on the thumb. He talks to his god and, apparently, his god talks back. That's the worrying part.
21st January, 2009
Stephen Green, self-promoted Gauleiter of the finger-wagging 'Christian Voice' no-hopers, complained about the cheerful 'Probably no god' posters, to the Advertising Standards Authority. This, remember, is the man who said 'People don't like to be preached at', occasioning gales of merriment all round. Presumably he doesn't do irony... Anyway, the ASA have examined his complaint, that the ads were 'misleading the public', and have pronounced upon it.
"The ASA council concluded that the ad was an expression of the advertiser's opinion and that the claims in it were not capable of objective substantiation. Although the ASA acknowledges that the content of the ad would be at odds with the beliefs of many, it concluded that it was unlikely to mislead or to cause serious or widespread offence."
In case you have forgotten, Stephen Green is the man who pressured a cancer charity, Maggies Centres, offering palliative care to sufferers, to refuse a donation from the company presenting 'Jerry Springer: The Opera' (a jolly good show, by the way. I probably wouldn't have bought the DVD had it not been for Mr Green's campaign, causing Sainsbury's (and probably other stores) to stop selling it.) Having brought a suit against the BBC and the producer of the show, for blasphemy, Green was saddled with costs of some £90,000, which made him whine that it would bankrupt him, and could he please be let off? Had the judgment been in his favour, it would have been our licence money that paid those costs. I don't know what has happened about the debt since, but it certainly hasn't taught him any kind of lesson. He's still in there, leading with his whiskery chin, and hittng the nail squarely on the thumb. He talks to his god and, apparently, his god talks back. That's the worrying part.
21st January, 2009
Buses dont figure very strongly in my life. I am told that I qualify for something called a 'bus pass', but I honestly don't know of any buses that go anywhere I might want to go, and if they did, not at a time when I would want to go there. Mind you I did actually make a half-hearted attempt to procure a pass not long after my spell in hospital, only I couldn't find anywhere near the issuing place to park, so gave up on the idea and went home.
All of which means that I don't expect to find myself being wafted hither and yon in a vehicle that proclaims in large letters 'There is probably no god...' This simple and quite gentle riposte to all those day-glo posters outside churches that proclaim, with no supporting evidence, that 'God' AKA 'Jesus' AKA 'Holy Spook' saves, or any one of dozens of other baseless claims, seems to have stirred the Xians (and presumably their Moslem cousins) to weeping, wailing and gnashing of dentures. it's working then...
It's that word 'probably' that seems to exercise people on all sides. Many atheist folks are upset that the slogan isn't more forthright, more definite. 'There IS no god!' they would like it to thunder, or perhaps 'There is DEFINITELY no god'... All very muscular and zealous, but can you prove it? It's a big claim to make, so the burden of proof (as we so often say to the believers) is on the claimer. And since the absence of something naturally leaves no evidence... and the absence of evidence is not acceptable evidence of absence... you are up a gum tree. Definitely.
The believers, of course, think it betrays a chink in the armour of their enemies, and chant the ecclesiastical equivalent of 'Neener ner neener! Gotcha!' but nobody takes much notice.
The insertion of the word 'probably' takes into account the fact that in the absence of evidence, we can't say categorically that there is no god, only that the probability of existence is, in the words of Prof. Dawkins 'vanishingly small'. Statistically insignificant, as you might say. It may well be that the 'probably' fulfils some requirement of the bodies that oversee advertisers' claims, but that is of secondary importance here.
There is discussion, too, about the rest of the slogan: 'Now stop worrying and enjoy your life'. I don't know if believers do worry a lot about their eventual end — they are threatened with ghastly everlasting torments for their sins, while the 'saved' look on with ghoulish enjoyment... I don't think many of them give it a thought, as they are adept in deciding which bits of the Magic Book to accept and which to reject, and on the whole tend to take on board only the 'nice' bits. It's a generally cheerful slogan, based on the true fact that you don't need supernatural beliefs in order to appreciate life, art, the beauties of the world and the wonders of nature. To paraphrase somebody or other, you can enjoy a garden without needing to have fairies at the bottom of it.
So I wish the bus campaign, now spreading outside the UK as well, well. It won't cause mass defection from the already depleted ranks of the churches, mosques,synagogues and temples, but it might cause thought to be taken where none was taken before. From the comfortable driving seat in my car I shall wave happily if I ever see an 'atheist bus'... and if they penetrate this village then I shall know things have progressed beyond anything expected of them!
Probably...