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Brian's Latin Lesson
Brian is writing a slogan on a wall, oblivious to the Roman patrol approaching from behind. The slogan is "ROMANES EUNT DOMUS".
- Centurion:
- What's this thing? "ROMANES EUNT DOMUS"? "People called Romanes they go the house?"
- Brian:
- It... it says "Romans go home".
- Centurion:
- No it doesn't. What's Latin for "Roman"?
Brian hesitates
- Centurion:
- Come on, come on!
- Brian:
- (uncertain) "ROMANUS".
- Centurion:
- Goes like?
- Brian:
- "-ANUS".
- Centurion:
- Vocative plural of "-ANUS" is?
- Brian:
- "-ANI".
- Centurion:
- (takes paintbrush from Brian and paints over) "RO-MA-NI". "EUNT"? What is "EUNT"?
- Brian:
- "Go".
- Centurion:
- Conjugate the verb "to go"!
- Brian:
- "IRE"; "EO", "IS", "IT", "IMUS", "ITIS", "EUNT".
- Centurion:
- So "EUNT" is ...?
- Brian:
- Third person plural present indicative, "they go".
- Centurion:
- But "Romans, go home!" is an order, so you must use the ...?
He lifts Brian by his short hairs
- Brian:
- The ... imperative.
- Centurion:
- Which is?
- Brian:
- Um, oh, oh, "I", "I"!
- Centurion:
- How many Romans? (pulls harder)
- Brian:
- Plural, plural! "ITE".
Centurion strikes over "EUNT" and paints "ITE" on the wall
- Centurion:
- "I-TE". "DOMUS"? Nominative? "Go home", this is motion towards, isn't it, boy?
- Brian:
- (very anxious) Dative?
Centurion draws his sword and holds it to Brian's throat
- Brian:
- Ahh! No, ablative, ablative, sir. No, the, accusative, accusative, ah, DOMUM, sir.
- Centurion:
- Except that "DOMUS" takes the ...?
- Brian:
- ... the locative, sir!
- Centurion:
- Which is?
- Brian:
- "DOMUM".
- Centurion:
- (satisfied) "DOMUM"...
He strikes out "DOMUS" and writes "DOMUM"
- Centurian:
- ..."-MUM". Understand?
- Brian:
- Yes sir.
- Centurion:
- Now write it down a hundred times.
- Brian:
- Yes sir, thank you sir, hail Caesar, sir.
- Centurion:
- (saluting) Hail Caesar. If it's not done by sunrise, I'll cut your balls off.
- Brian:
- (very relieved) Oh thank you sir, thank you sir, hail Caesar and everything, sir!