"MANDALAY"
Billy ("Almost a Gentleman") Bennett
- On the banks of the River Schlemozzle,
- Mid the deserts and sands of Dundalk,
- I've hunted wild llamas
- In purple pyjamas,
- I've eaten pea soup with a fork.
-
- I've struggled with skivvies
- And oojah-ka-pivvies,
- I've milked tabby cats in Tibet.
- I've cut off the conkers
- From buzz-a-fazonkers,
But oh, the worst time I've had yet, was
-
- On The Road To Mandalay,
- Where you'll see the fried fish play.
- They bring their own chips with them
- When it's early-closing day.
-
- There's Ghurkas doing mazurkas
- With baboons inside their bunks,
- There's kangaroos with carpet bags
- And elephants with trunks,
- And fat men dump their 'ombongpong'
- Inside their Clapham Juncs
- On The Road To Mandalay.
- In an old white-washed pagoda, looking eastward to the
west,
- A Burmese girl from Bermondsey sits in a sparrow's
nest.
- She's as pretty as a picture, though she lost one eye they
say,
- Through the Black Hole of Calcutta, and the keyhole of
Bombay.
-
- Look as far as you can see, boy, look a little further
son,
- For that Burma girl is burning - stick a fork in, see if
she's done.
- Oh, that dainty dusky damsel, Indian features, proud and
sweet;
- Indian ink upon her fingers, Indian corns upon her feet.
-
- There's not a drop of water, in this waste of desert
land.
- The soldiers' tongues are hanging out, and trailing in the
sand.
- They're hanging out like carpets, and you'll hear the
natives say
- "Mr Drage has laid the lino, On The Road To
Mandalay."
-
- See that stately dromedary with his hind leg give a
kick,
- On his back there's two mosquitos singing "Stop Your
Jockling, Tick".
- On the hump there sit two Hindus: when the drom-drom gives
a cough
- And they exit through the early doors, as the monkey says
"They're off!"
-
- There's a farm on the horizon, looking eastward to
Siam,
- We could have some ham and eggs there, if they had some
eggs and ham.
- They've only got one hen, they call her "Mandy" by the
way,
- They found out she's a cock - that's why they can't make
Mandy lay.
-
- There's no maps for the soldiers, in this land of Gunga
Din,
- So they picked the toughest warrior out, and tattooed on
his skin.
- On his back he's got Calcutta, lower down he's got
Bombay.
- And you'll find him sitting peacefully On The Road
To Mandalay.
- On The Road To Mandalay, where the girls
are tout-au-fait
- They wear short skirts and shingled hair and one dark foggy
day,
- I chased one in a kiosque - I'm a playful sort of chap
-
- I pulled her on my knee, then on the jaw I got a slap
- I found a Gordon Highlander was sitting in my lap.
-
- Wow!
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